Hey! Long time no see!
Remember that thing I used to do?
I doodled something everyday and I had a "doodle diary".
Well.. I burned out at some point a long time ago and I didn't really like most of my doodles.
I continued to post them anyway thinking that I had something to prove (mostly to myself).
I learned a couple of things by doing this that I don't think I would have realized otherwise:
1) A doodle is a doodle. Not everything that comes out of me is good and that is normal. And it's healthier to accept that about myself than guilt-tripping me to post something I don't want to show anyone just so I don't "lose" the challenge of proving that I am someone that draws everyday.
2) There are somedays that I would normally have drawn a very ornate dong in a piece of paper and call it a day! But I can't post that in my doodle diary so I pressure myself into doing something else and it ends up just bad, worse that the original. So I'll stop that now.
3) It's not about quantity when there is no quality. I googled myself (don't judge, you've done that too) and the results were terrifying to me. I' d rather have less doodles I like than so many "meh" ones.
4) When you allow people to see your "bad" work again and again, you begin to not care so much since they've surely seen worse from you in the past. I want to get better firstly for me ofcourse - but I think having other people see your work could be a further push to getting better. I used to do many studies in the past of anatomy or perspective or anything that I felt I needed to improve on. Not so much now.
5) Not all doodles take a day to finish. Some may take two or three. Not to mention one that I was working almost a week on. I' d rather continue working on the one than interrupt it to doodle something finished for the day to get it over with.
And exactly that is the point.
I don't want to "get it over with".
I've done this, it's no fun and it defeats the purpose.
I didn't post everyday for those reasons. I'd hoard a months worth of doodles that I didn't care much for and suddently barf them out on the internet feeling almost ashamed. The pressure was too much and I couldn't handle it. I didn't like my doodles and I avoided it.
But I didn't lose the challenge of being someone that draws everyday.
And that was the point all along.
I'll continue doodling everyday. That's who I want to be.
I won't post everything. Not every doodle is for you to see.
When it's something that I like, I'll post it.
I'm not promising masterpieces. Just doodles that I like.
haaa... that felt good.
And now for a trip down memory lane:
doodle day 1! (1/1/2016)
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and ofcourse let's not forget this one
~bye
